Defend its Existence

Danity Kane

by Caralyn Green

Besides the fact that they were pieced together on MTV, there’s nothing remarkable about Danity Kane. If I watched Making the Band, I’d probably be excited about Welcome to the Dollhouse, the pre-fab platinum-selling quintet’s sophomore album, because I’d be attached to the band like a kid to her three-legged mutt—the kind that smells like last week’s trash, but you share the bed with anyway because you love it, flaws and all.

If I watched the show, I’d be able to rattle off the girls’ distinct personalities (“the bossy one,” “the one with the mean boyfriend,” “the one who dresses like a drag queen”), but I haven’t watched it regularly since season one—when Lou Pearlman got off on assembling O-Town—so I can’t tell the slightest difference between these performers’ personas and vocals.

They all just blend together into some generic cash cow that sings, sighs and, yes, meows, impressively enough through 16 plasticy R&B tracks. The album’s got a few irresistible dance-floor moments (“Bad Girl” benefits from Missy Elliott’s rap and writing, and first single “Damaged” will unquestionably chart well), but for the most part, it’s got none of the clever hooks or amiable attitude that kept us devoted to predecessors Destiny’s Child and En Vogue.

Despite puppeteer P. Diddy’s best intentions, Danity’s Kane’s less like those icons and more like the Pussycat Dolls, but with fewer members and less sex. Actually, scratch that. Danity Kane is pure sex. Not that anyone’s complaining.

There’s value to be found here, as in all musical acts created on-screen (remember Eden’s Crush from the WB’s Popstars?). Making the Band shows viewers what the star-making system looks like, and how and why it works.

Do a nationwide search, select the most malleable performers, get ’em schooled by a vocal coach, choreographer, stylist (and therapist), then throw them in the studio with the biggest- name producer major label backing can buy (Danity Kane got Timbaland for their first album). Market, advertise, cross-promote, synergize. A Billboard ranking is just about guaranteed, no matter the quality of the product.