Cassandra's Dream

Six Woebegone Late-Period Films Made by Once-Great Directors

by Matt Prigge

Countess From Hong Kong (1967): Decades removed from popularity, septuagenarian Charlie Chaplin tried for a comeback with this lavish shipboard romantic comedy starring Sophia Loren and a hilariously miscast Marlon Brando. The OCD comedic genius and the Method man are a mismatch made in heaven, and though the film isn’t quite as soul-gutting as its rep suggests, those first couple reels are more excruciating than Woody Allen trying comedy.

Earthquake (1974): Who knew the director of Valley of the Dolls and this low point of the disaster movie trend used to be a genius? Back in the ’40s Mark Robson cut his teeth with brilliant horror producer Val Lewton, cranking out such atmospheric cheapies as Ghost Ship, Isle of the Dead and especially The Seventh Victim. What happened?

Saturn 3 (1980): Musical behemoth Stanley Donen (Singin’ in the Rain) survived into the ’60s with stylishly modern movies like Bedazzled and Two for the Road. The ’70s and ’80s are another matter. Donen’s film wound up being this alternately leaden and batshit-crazy space movie scripted by novelist Martin Amis and featuring a dubbed Harvey Keitel, Kirk Douglas porking Farrah Fawcett, and a robot that slices off hands.

Jack (1996): No matter how inscrutable Francis Ford Coppola’s Youth Without Youth is, it’s The Conversation compared to his sickly Robin Williams dramedy—aka the worst film ever made by a terrific filmmaker.

Love’s Labour’s Lost (2000): Initially the self-styled second coming of Laurence Olivier, Kenneth Branagh has fallen harder than just about any other great filmmaker. But the situation wasn’t no-turning-back dire till this gloriously misconceived Shakespeare take, which guts the source, throws in Cole Porter numbers and casts certain actors—Matthew Lillard, Alicia Silverstone—who can neither sing, dance or act, let alone all three. Stick a fork in him.

Every movie Woody Allen has made since Sweet and Lowdown (1999-2008): I mean, Christ, at least stop making comedies.